One of today’s matches:
Is sporting a wedding ring in his picture. Um…yeah, time for some more recent photos dude.
notes for fellas: don’t take a month to ask a girl on a date
Remeber awhile back I posted about a guy who looks like Hardy of Laurel and Hardy? He seemed nice enough, if not a little old fashioned. Well he’s one of the never gonna be’s I’ve encountered in online dating…
Why’s that? Well, he contacted me around the same time that Super Guido did, maybe even a week or 2 prior. And we still haven’t met, and only spoken on the phone once. I think he was nervous, but after 4 weeks of emails (to which he’d take a few days to respond), I’m bored. And over it. Maybe it’s wrong on my part but…5 weeks of trying to ask & then plan a first meeting, and then when he did, I had to drive farther than he to said meeting. Um, no thanks. I’ve already forgotten you existed and going deep into Nassau county as you suggested, ain’t for me. You’re 32 y/o, time to man up a bit.
Next.
Not again!
Eharm matched me with a dude who I was matched with back in 2010 when I was on the site. In dudes being more pathetic than me, he had the same pic as he did back then. And if he looks anything like what he did 2 years ago, it’s NOTHING like his profile picture.
Back then there was a thin guy with a tight haircut for a profile pic, and a secondary photo of a larger guy with crazy hair & sunglasses.
The weight didn’t bother me, it was the fact that I didn’t know which guy I was talking to!
We went on one date & it was the larger guy with the unkempt hair that I met, and he insulted my profession then asked me what kind of a wedding I wanted, and told me he walked marathons.
He started communication with me before I could avoid him, so I just closed the match. Let’s not go back down the rabbit hole with this dude…
eHarm sent me the most perfect match, but he’s in Jersey.
I sent him a message but he hasn’t responded of course lol. Also, he went to Virginia Tech so my first thought was, ‘I wonder if Kim knows him?’
hahaha
the high tech traditional dating trends…
So, I read the NYTimes article published this week, about how companies beyond eHarm, Match, OKStupid and the rest are looking to get back to more traditional forms of dating, or at least online dating with less scrolling. I’m going to list the main sites below, and I intend to do more research asap to get the info out there for anyone who might be interested!
Tawkify “Tired of online dating? We are too! We’ll match you over the phone.”
Hitch.me “a dating site for linked-in members”
Me So Far-experimental dating in Chicago
Also mentioned: Friendly Look, Singles Around Me, Coffee Meets Bagel (part of their slogan says “We never post on Facebook” - good to know!)
If you or anyone you know have tried these less-mainstream sites I’d love to hear your feedback for curiosity’s sake!
dating advice.
someone recently messaged me to ask for some dating tips as she jumped ship from OKStupid to eHarm.
Here are some of the places where I’ve listed dating tips…
on my most recent edition of eHarm. I’d search farther back but…this should be more than enough of my ranting ;) plus, the last one was from tumblrs who wrote in.
As always, any other suggestions/comments/smart remarks, please feel free to message me or post below!
In which I’m a piece of shit
So, I meant to text the musician in advance & tell him I didn’t want to meet him on Sunday. I had the best of intentions. But there was a lot of stuff going on this past weekend (& I didn’t really hear from him after that awful phone call anyway…)
So I text him the day of, hours in advance at least, and I’m firm and direct. Because I thought that if I wasn’t it wouldn’t be interpreted seriously…
Well the dude was so not happy that he called me a piece of shit & said he’ll give me something to write about & that I’m not actually open to meeting anyone.
I’m hoping the ‘give me something to write about’ was just calling me a POS. Also, in the words of the great Kayt, a book where I meet no one, only talk to them on the phone a few times, and die alone….who’d buy that book?
Who even said I was writing a book, anything I have written hasn’t been in any sort of seriousness.
So, yeah. Glad I trusted my gut when it said, you don’t actually want to meet this guy. I’m hoping the 3 nasty texts I got were the end of the threat, sheesh!
on being honest
So another guy I’ve been talking to whose not from or on Long Island, I’ll call the Musician. He’s from the Adirondack area of NY originally, which as he says is nearly Canada. He went to Crane & plays the fiddle & violin (& piano but…apparently that’s not his favorite). He plays in an Irish band with some family members & lives/works just north of NYC.
So as of now we’ve texted or spoken every day, he’s excited to meet me. He does talk quite a bit, but I’m willing to see where it goes…
Anyway he was going on about some awkward dates he’s had & since he’s a very honest kind of guy, I figured I’d take my chance & tell him about the blog (though not the name/address).
He was totally cool about it, but then he said he may do stuff just so I’ll have something to write about.
Tricky guys are tricky, y’all!
by the way…one great date with a guy from CT
& your best friend is already planning on how her (and her baby) will pick you up 1 weekend a month from the ferry when you move for love.
LOL I love my best friend ;) she’s a flipping pisser!
This was the post-date phone call, you know, when anything is possible and before you’re sitting around waiting for him to contact you ;-)please don’t write me off as a bitch…
I had a lunch date on Saturday with a guy from eHarm. Currently, I am 26. In April, my brother will turn 25, and in July I will turn 27. I don’t really like dating guys my brother’s age which is a personal problem I realize, but it goes back to my relationship with my brother. But back to the dater. So this guy’s profile says he is 25. He looks wicked familiar-we graduated from the same undergrad, a pretty small local commuter college, but I graduated in ‘07 and he in ‘09.
He messaged me first on eharm last Saturday, I got back to him after the wedding I was in. We exchanged phone numbers about Tuesday, and then he wanted to add me on FB, in fact he was a bit aggressive about it. We never spoke on the phone and he was pretty communicative via text. After the FB add, later that day he wanted to know if I’d found anything interesting on his profile.
Well, I did find something of interest on his profile-which I swear I only looked at after his insistence. He posted a status that was pretty recent-might have been over a month ago but it was visible without too much scrolling-that he was subbing at X school, and the last time he was with that classroom, he was bald. From chemo. So i texted him about something less important first, in response to his question. Then he asked me if there was anything else I found interesting, so I tried as diplomatically as possible to say that I read he had beaten cancer, and I’m sorry that he had to go through it but relieved for him. Not quite in those words, but…as diplomatically as possible.
I thought, maybe this was his way of not having to speak about it, that it would be easier for me to read it on Fb, or maybe he was worried I’d run away if I knew.
About my profile: later that day he wanted to know why I had listed a different town on FB than I did on eHarm. (I still have the town I grew up in listed as my hometown on FB, which is fine because anyone who knows me knows I grew up on eastern LI…).
So we text a little each day until about 7:50am Saturday, he texts to make sure we have the same location of Applebees, there being quite a few in our general area. Now he knew I had work in the morning, but…he’s kind of lucky that I had gotten up early to straighten my hair and the whole nine yards because I don’t take kindly to being woken up early and it was the 2nd time he had texted me so early that week. (My apologies to educators and others who have to wake up super early, but I work until 9pm 3-5 nights a week-don’t necessarily expect me to be up bright and early the next day!) Not the end of the world, I just found it a bit strange he assumed I’d be up at the ass crack of dawn everyday like he is…
Whatever I was up, no biggie. Figure I’ll mention it to him eventually in a nice way. So as I leave my Saturday shift at 1pm and make the 10min drive to our meeting location, he texts to tell me text him when I arrive. Fine. He doesn’t recognize me at first when we get there, and after we’re seated he just staring at me. Eyes wide, expression not exactly inviting. I try to come up with topics to engage the conversation: the Mets (he’s wearing a Mets tee & a nearby tv is playing one of their pre-season games), some of the college professors we both shared, travel (basically he hasn’t been anywhere new since his senior year of high school…). And although we talk, the conversation isn’t fluid, never reaches a volley. You know, when the ball goes back and forth without being dropped, and you’re having a discussion without awkward pauses, or if there is a second of awkwardness it is recovered quickly. This was not how this lunch date was going, at all. When he asked me if I knew a girl from my hometown, I said no and he replied “good” and nothing more. Perhaps she’s the girl in a great deal of his FB photos? I didn’t ask.
The only time he became engaged was when talking about his experience with cancer. In fact it was all he wanted to talk about, (except when he lectured me on his relationship with his younger sister when I asked, teasingly, if he played the older protective brother card-they’re 11 years apart, it seemed like a cute enough question-he does not, and I learned all about it). I got an in-depth explanation on how he found out he had cancer, the surgery, recovery and Sloan Kettering.
While I applaud the work of his doctors and his personal strength in fighting a brain tumor, I also felt uncomfortable. We could not determine that we had ever interacted in college. We never spoke on the phone, and nothing of the cancer was listed on his eHarm profile. He encouraged me to FB stalk him and then once I had to announce I knew, suddenly it was the only topic he wanted to talk about (thus not necessarily including me in the conversation). I did try to like, steer the conversation away to something else, and prior to that topic, I tried to keep our conversation going but it takes two sides to volley and he wasn’t playing.
But of course, I feel like a bitch. He beat cancer! Am I heartless? I just feel like, telling me all the details is something that should be reserved for date 2 or 3, when we maybe feel a bit more comfortable around one another.
Bottom line: I don’t feel that he’s ready to start seeing people just yet, he’s not over his experience. Of course he should be estatic that he beat cancer, elated that he’s a survivor. But leading with that one experience can’t be good.
So, am I a cold heartless bitch? I’d like to think not. I don’t think we’re a match one bit and I can admit I was a bit skeptical once I realized he was on the new side of 25 and I’m on the old side of 26.
This post may self-destruct since I know several librarians who may have had classes with this individual in the education department before going onto library school in grad school, to protect the innocence of the dater.
